The Definitive Guide For Telling How Drunk You Are……..


TIPSY – you’ve had a few sherries, maybe some snackettes, and are now searching for the nearest wall to prop up. This is tipsy.

MERRY – several stages on from ‘TIPSY’, you’ve had a few shorts, a lager, and now find yerself dancing with anyone and everyone,while still holding yer drink and laughing a bit too much. This is merry.

DRUNK – the Holy Grail, you have achieved the true zen state of mind, Capable of reasoned thought even though it seems completely wrong, you will find yourself waking up the next morning with a series of texts confirming everything you said the night,’Congratulations on buying the inflatable frog’, that sort of thing….this is drunk.

RAT ARSED – you’ve had an argument with yer partner over who owns a napkin you both quite liked the design of, you’ve gone outside for some fresh air which has hit you like a bulldozer and you go back inside where the heat is just as bad and you stumble into the giant trifle steadying yerself by putting yer hand in it up to yer elbow, and then walk off as though nothing has happened…this is rat arsed

BLOTTO – you’ve drunk the place dry, insulted everyone and wake to find yerself clothed from the waist up with a pain in your right thigh which turns out to be a tattoo proclaiming your undying love for someone called Terry. You look around at yer surroundings, you’re on a train to Glasgow and you’re tethered to a goat…….this is blotto

Time to worry? When you hear someone shout,’NURSE, THE STOMACH PUMP!!’

Choose yer words wisely,

 Abe & the Elum

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