An extract from a conversation between an Earthling and a Martian in a pub…

Martian,’So, this alcohol stuff, what is it?’
Earthling,’Well it’s a liquid that has many varieties but they all do the same thing…..get you drunk’
Martian,’Ok, why get drunk? what is drunk?’
Earthling,’Humans get drunk for loads of reasons, happy, sad, angry, to forget, even to celebrate, some even become addicted to it…..& drunk is where a human has consumed enough alcohol to allow themselves to be tied to a lamp post, stripped naked and enjoy it enough to tell their friends all about it the next day’
Martian,’Sounds awful’.
Earthling,’Er, sometimes, the vomiting in the street, squatting in an alley way to pee, or peeing up a wall and the fighting with your best friend over whose dad is the most good looking is kinda a little insight to the downside. but on a positive note there is a part of the evening where the alcohol has the best effect. Where everything is giggly, everything is cool and yer love everyone, this is just before you pass out by the toilet bowl’.
Martian,’I have to say you’re not making this an attractive prospect for me’.
Earthling,’Noooo it’s great really. We humans use it to socialise and it’s a huge business’.
Earthling,’Oh yes manufacturers of alcohol even leave impurities in the alcohol so we get a headache the next day’
Martian,’What the f@^k? Why would they do that?’
Earthling,’So we know we had a good time’.

Choose yer words wisely,

Abe & the Elum


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