A Brief Reality Guide To Crisp Flavours

crisps

      Fiction                                                                                                      Reality

Flame Grilled Spanish Chorizo with Roasted Onions               Smokey Bacon

Atlantic Sea Salt milled to perfection with a hint of

Balsamic sourced from the hills of Tuscany                                Salt n Vinegar

Icelandic Rich Mature Cheddar blended with pert
Shallots caught fresh from the mountainsides of

Peru                                                                                                                Cheese n Onion

Her Majesty’s finest King Edward potatoes nuzzled
from the soil and wafted with a subtle blend of salt

open cast mined from a Dockers Armpit                                            Plain

Hand Reared Rhode Island Red coaxed into the
oven and cooked with a pack of Sage n Onion

stuffing mix                                                                                               Roast Chicken

 

Choose yer words wisely,

Abe & the Elum

Frank… three

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FRANK

by Abe & the Elum

 

Frank stared in disbelief. He had watched death come visit this woman in the guise of a black sedan that had ripped her soul from her body. Now all that was left was silence, save for the occassional ‘tink’ of rain drops hitting some aluminium dustbin lid close by.

Frank stood looking at the body some twenty feet from him. She was lying half on the pavement, half in the road. He had been under strict instructions not to lose the woman. Now he had done more than that, she was dead. And it dawned on Frank all the fall out would come his way.

He ran to the body and searched her bag.

For what? For anything, some clue as to what was going on. The bag had held nothing he didn’t expect to find. He searched her coat only finding a packet of cigarettes which he stuffed in his inside pocket.The stale smell of alcohol was all over her clothes and he stood, partially because of this, but also because he felt nauseous at the sight of her slowly whitening face.

He heard a police siren far off echoing around the empty streets.’Comng this way?’, Frank thought. Wherever it was going he was heading in the other direction. He chose South, and walked away, fast.

His mobile rang. Looking at who the caller was Frank grimmaced and tried to estimate how much running away money he had left in his account.

“Hi Boss”, Frank answered…..

TBC…

Frank… two

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FRANK

by Abe & the Elum

 

Frank watched the woman turn the corner at the end of the street and disappear from view. He could hear her high heels clicking on the paving so he knew where she was.  He debated wringing his sock out from the dousing it had suffered from the puddle but knew it was pointless. So he upped his pace so he could at least keep the woman in sight.

As he reached the corner a black sedan eased by him. Inside were two guys who looked worse than their fotofits. Frank felt a drip of wtaer trickle down the nape of his neck. He moved off, glancing back to see where the car had gone. As he did so he saw it turning back in his direction. Frank began a trot that tried not to give away the fact he was on to them. He heard the car, an automatic, kick down a gear, and rev wildly.

Frank had felt fear before, and he knew he was experiencing it now. Like when he was a kid of the streets and all the kids would put a match between their fingers, light it, and see who could let it burn down furthest before yelping….He ran, but the car had gathered speed, more than Frank was ever capable of.

“This is it”, he thought, as he watched the sedan career passed him, climb the pavement and plow into the woman he was following.

She rose in the air like a rag doll and was dead before she hit the tarmac. The sedan raced away into the night leaving Frank alone in the street…..

TBC…

Missing Poland…

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I miss:

  • Tatry mountains
  • Baltic sea
  • Bread
  • Sausages
  • Bigos
  • PKP – trains and train stations (I know its weird but I miss it)
  • Blokowiska – our infamous block of flats from communist times
  • Old town or town square in every city and town
  • Lakes
  • Forests

Onward and upward,

Tsaritsa Katarzyna  

 

Frank… one

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FRANK

by Abe & the Elum

 

It was night, but then Frank figured about half the day was night. The downside was it was raining. He drew up the collar of his mac, tipped his Trilby down a notch to combat the wind, and emerged from the shadows of the alley way.

The yellowy streetlamps turned his mac an ugly shade of beige, and as the rain began to spot on the shoulders the colour looked even more distasteful.

Frank could not have cared less, he had other things on his  mind. Who this blonde woman he was to follow he had no idea.  Apart from she was high class, read trashy novels and liked to say a big hello to a bottle of gin at least once a day….he tutted, as at that moment she moved off, hunched against the rain in her high heels and astracan dress coat.

Frank skipped down the kerb and crossed the street to follow on the same side, cursing as he did so, as his right foot plunged into a puddle twice the depth of his foot. The water was icy and Frank cussed,shaking his foot he watched the blonde taking tiny clip clop steps away down the street….

TBC…

Helsinki – white nights, Moomin, no cellulite and seagulls all over my food

  • Fafa’s – one of the best french fries I’ve ever eaten.
  • Greenbike –  even though they never have bikes for a rent, they will magically get some if you really need it and trust me you need a bike in Helsinki. It is a must to cycle outside the city as well as around it.
  • Cafe Regatta – bottomless coffee (that I don’t drink anyway), blueberry pies and plus you can buy sausage and roast it yourself over the fire.
  • White nights – if you happen to be in Helsinki in the summer you will experience a 2-3h night.
  • Moomin – this cartoon rocked when I was a kid. I always thought the characters are on crack all the time.
  • Beautiful people, both women and men, plus it is really weird but no one has cellulite. Cellulite free zone?
  • Metal music almost everywhere!

Onward and upward,

Tsaritsa Katarzyna  

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It’s all a game to you innit?

If you look at the top ten computer games to see what they are you’ll find that if you can’t kill it, spy on it, or downright fuck it over on the sports field there will be little other choice. The games now are awesome and getting better with every new release but it’s interesting to look back briefly to see how we’ve arrived at this point.

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When the PS1 came out people went bananas, I know I did, It was so different. And here’s the thing, the choice of games was vast. Ok, some of them were iffy to say the least, but the point is cos the technology was so new, the industry could not possibly foresee what would sell. So to cover all bases a blanket approach was taken. This meant there were some oddities that crept in but also it meant we, the consumer, had a huge selection of varying game styles to choose from.

As PS2 was released, along with the Xbox etc, the choice of game that would sell became a little easier to predict. Hollywood used them as an addition to the merchandising for a popular film which was cool.Though the speculative weird little games were not taken up and thus the choice spectrum began to narrow.

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By the time we’ve got to where we are now the industry has the market nailed……and the subjects are so predictable. we are talking human beings after all.

So, violence, sex, sport, aliens and cars are what we seem to like best………..well, who’d a thunk it…………….hahahahahaha me, for one!

Choose yer words wisely,

Abe & the Elum