Frank… six





by Abe & the Elum


As Frank rose from his seat he accidentally nudged the table so the cutlery chinked and the table legs scraped loudly on the terracotta tiled floor. The two teenage girls who were sitting next to him stifled giggles and glanced at each other, leaning in to share some secret joke, presumably at Franks expense.
Eddie was watching and that damn dog was still baring those little white bastard teeth. Frank now wished he had eaten his eggs, at least as a condemned man he would have had a last meal.

The door from the kitchen opened and the plump waitress Frank had thought looked mildly like the love child of Marilyn Munroe and John Malkovich entered the dining area carrying a tray of pancakes and maple syrup covered in ice cream. Chewing her now tasteless gum she yelled out,’Who ordered the number fifty seven?’…………

A middle aged couple replied with a muted acknowledgement and the waitress pushed passed Eddie. Trinket snarled at the waitress who berated Eddie about keeping his dog under control.

Frank meanwhile  had slipped unnoticed from his table and was quietly heading for the toilets…..almost within door handle reach Eddie had caught sight of Frank and tutted. He set the little dog down and calmly said to it,’Go get him’………………….



Gorgeous Persia – Tehran

I usually do not believe what media say about Iran, but this time it could not be that far from the truth.

It is a safe country, I did not feel threatened at all at any time. Persian people (do not call them Arabs, they are not Arabs) are very hospitable and friendly, but of course you always have to be alerted, like in any other country.

First of all make sure that you sort out your visa in advance and bring €50 just in case if you have to pay for it. Otherwise you will spend a 2.5 hours waiting in the airport just like us.

Bear in mind traffic in Tehran is ridiculous. There are no rules. It is a huge and busy city. Pollution is quite high, most of the time you cannot see the surrounding mountains.

Iran is undeniably not a poor country. People are wealthy and I did not get a chance to see any poor people, like I did for example in  the USA, funny enough.

We were lucky to have such an amazing hosts like my friend and her mum. They took such a good care of us and the mum cooks the most delicious Persian dishes. I have tried to cook some over the weekend, it was not that bad for the first time. Here is the recipe.

  •  Make sure that you visit one of the restaurants at the base of mountain Darband – it is full of cheap and expensive restaurant, stalls, young people hanging around etc.
  • Markets are always a good idea – try fresh pistachios (heaven), pomegranate, buy some spices, especially saffron, it is an expensive spice and Iran has one of the best.
  • Milad Tower is quite exciting thing to do. You are able to see how enormously large Tehran is.
  • Āsh soup – thick, winter soup. It contains different types of beans, herbs, meat and etc. And, trust me, you want to try it. I forgot the name of the place but I ate it at the oldest restaurant that serves Āsh soup.
  • Valiasr Street – is the longest street in the Middle East, almost 18km long. Good for shopping, and to buy some nuts to take home with you.
  • Make sure that you stuff your face with Iranian bread. It is amazing, especially for breakfast. Add some salty cheese or chocolate spread. I managed to eat 8 of them one morning.
  • Check out the Tehran Times blog, it is a good source for some local art, fashion and etc.

Onward and upward,

Tsaritsa Katarzyna  

Frank… five





by Abe & the Elum


Frank had known Eddie since they were kids but knew he was the type of man who had no time for sentimentality. Given enough money he would no doubt hold his mother by the ankles over the highest bridge in town, drop in her the river below and walk away patting his damn dog.

And then there was the dog.

Frank considered Trinket to be a nasty snappy little shit who would bite yer hand off given half a chance. Age had not mellowed this example of the normally placid breed. Somewhere deep in the dogs pysche was a crazy mad person hell bent on fucking over every damn person they met.

Frank saw Trinket catch his eye. The little four legged fuck baring its teeth at him. Eddie looked over in Franks direction and nodded towards the door. Frank acknowledged Eddie and edged out of his seat…..


Frank… four





by Abe & the Elum


Frank sat in Deanos Bar & Grill mulling over his conversation with his boss. He stubbed his cigarette out in the fried eggs he had ordered.

Given that the Boss had said,”I’m gonna get Eddie the Torturer & Trinket to break every fucking bone in your scum bag body”, the Boss had seemed in quite a good mood. Frank smiled ironically as he exhaled the last of his cigarette smoke.

The door to Deanos eased open and a large bald headed man wearing a shabby brown leather coat, carrying a small white haired dog in his arms oozed into the place.

Eddie as early, Frank observed……..


A Brief Reality Guide To Crisp Flavours


      Fiction                                                                                                      Reality

Flame Grilled Spanish Chorizo with Roasted Onions               Smokey Bacon

Atlantic Sea Salt milled to perfection with a hint of

Balsamic sourced from the hills of Tuscany                                Salt n Vinegar

Icelandic Rich Mature Cheddar blended with pert
Shallots caught fresh from the mountainsides of

Peru                                                                                                                Cheese n Onion

Her Majesty’s finest King Edward potatoes nuzzled
from the soil and wafted with a subtle blend of salt

open cast mined from a Dockers Armpit                                            Plain

Hand Reared Rhode Island Red coaxed into the
oven and cooked with a pack of Sage n Onion

stuffing mix                                                                                               Roast Chicken


Choose yer words wisely,

Abe & the Elum

Frank… three





by Abe & the Elum


Frank stared in disbelief. He had watched death come visit this woman in the guise of a black sedan that had ripped her soul from her body. Now all that was left was silence, save for the occassional ‘tink’ of rain drops hitting some aluminium dustbin lid close by.

Frank stood looking at the body some twenty feet from him. She was lying half on the pavement, half in the road. He had been under strict instructions not to lose the woman. Now he had done more than that, she was dead. And it dawned on Frank all the fall out would come his way.

He ran to the body and searched her bag.

For what? For anything, some clue as to what was going on. The bag had held nothing he didn’t expect to find. He searched her coat only finding a packet of cigarettes which he stuffed in his inside pocket.The stale smell of alcohol was all over her clothes and he stood, partially because of this, but also because he felt nauseous at the sight of her slowly whitening face.

He heard a police siren far off echoing around the empty streets.’Comng this way?’, Frank thought. Wherever it was going he was heading in the other direction. He chose South, and walked away, fast.

His mobile rang. Looking at who the caller was Frank grimmaced and tried to estimate how much running away money he had left in his account.

“Hi Boss”, Frank answered…..


Frank… two





by Abe & the Elum


Frank watched the woman turn the corner at the end of the street and disappear from view. He could hear her high heels clicking on the paving so he knew where she was.  He debated wringing his sock out from the dousing it had suffered from the puddle but knew it was pointless. So he upped his pace so he could at least keep the woman in sight.

As he reached the corner a black sedan eased by him. Inside were two guys who looked worse than their fotofits. Frank felt a drip of wtaer trickle down the nape of his neck. He moved off, glancing back to see where the car had gone. As he did so he saw it turning back in his direction. Frank began a trot that tried not to give away the fact he was on to them. He heard the car, an automatic, kick down a gear, and rev wildly.

Frank had felt fear before, and he knew he was experiencing it now. Like when he was a kid of the streets and all the kids would put a match between their fingers, light it, and see who could let it burn down furthest before yelping….He ran, but the car had gathered speed, more than Frank was ever capable of.

“This is it”, he thought, as he watched the sedan career passed him, climb the pavement and plow into the woman he was following.

She rose in the air like a rag doll and was dead before she hit the tarmac. The sedan raced away into the night leaving Frank alone in the street…..